Christmas, New Years, and half of January!

Hey heys!! Miss me?? I'm still here. Christmas was amazing.. so fun to watch it through the eyes of a 4.5yr old. A little sad news, we had to put our dog down the night before Christmas Eve :( He took sick the Sunday, and had some bad spells on Thursday. It was really hard (still is). Nathan handled it well, we went to the vet together as a family, I told him that Fenris was sick and had to stay at the vets. He gave him a big hug and kiss, got a little emotional with trembling bottom lip, then went out with the receptionist while Jason and I were with Fenris when he was put to sleep. His head was in my lap. I feel better knowing that we made the right decision for Fenris, and didnt' keep him suffering JUST because it was Christmas.. But, man, it was hard!!

Once in awhile Nathan brings up Fenris. Even still.. we'll come home and he'll call out "Fenris, we're home!" Or, randomly say, I miss Fenris.. He said he hears him barking at night. We're still playing it by ear on how to handle it. OH, Nathan wants to be a vet when he grows up now.

Ok.. that said let's get back to Christmas :) My parents came up Christmas day for a feast of Chinese food and the excitement of Christmas Eve. We put out the cookies and milk for santa and a carrot for Rudolf. The excitement in Nathan was contagious, we laughed and played.. no problems going to bed this night!!! In the morning I had Santa leave a colour by number and markers in his room to wake up and play.. that worked all of.. oh about 5 minutes then he had to go Pee. I tried to not let him see the tree.. I failed!

Jason set up a hot wheels cool toy infront of the tree, so he played with that a good half hour or so while everyone woke up and got coffees / snacks then onto opening stockings and presents. Nathan gets so excited and his expressions are worth anything in the world ( we had them all that day!)

New years was a bust. I was asleep on the couch by 10PM.. Jason was so mad at me.. nothing else to report on that night.. hahaha!

Back to preschool.. and playgroup. He's been rough at transitioning again. We're trying to figure out why.. leaving preschool, getting out of the pool, leaving friends house. He didn't even want to go to playgroup Friday morning, then once there, he didn't want to leave. He's been so good about leaving places lately that we don't know where this is coming from. I wish he could just tell us!!

The soother faery came and took away his soothers after a 5 day countdown and social stories. So far so good! Good Job, Nathan!! The faery left behind a Transformer comforter with Bumblebee and Optimus Prime logos. He hasn't mentioned them at all, except to say that the soother faery came and left a surprise!

As for his programs with his workers, he's progressing and probing right out of them. Nicole is almost at a lost since he's so advanced accedemically. His struggles right now are rhyming words, pronouns (still says he, when its a she, or vice versa), who/what/wheres in story books or answering questions about what is being read. He is reading, and wants to read. He guesses alot, or makes up words.. but I think that is normal. I'm just thrilled that he is trying and can break down words.

Our struggles continue to be patterns. omg. only other parents can truely know what this is about! I was at the mall the other day and Nathan wasn't walking properly, melting into an I HAVE TO about his walking on squares.. or avoiding lines.. something along those lines. I sat him in a time out and said I will carry him out if he doesn't walk properly.. anyways.. and older woman sitting on a bench was watching, giving me these looks I can't quite figure out. I don't care. But, I can imagine her thinking.. he's just playing a game. It's not a game. and if it is.. it's HARD!

I hope that catches you all up. I'm here. Things are well. Bloody hell cold outside and dont' know what to do today. Maybe a trip to fabricville before my membership expires end of the month :)

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No title.. just me. Things are going really well here. We are continueing on breaking patterns, forming new ones.. breaking them.. blah.. He holds so strong to his patterns. But, funny thing is, once he breaks them.. that's it.

Work is stressful. I'm tired of it. The mockery, the back stabbing.. the stress in general. Even some guilt that I feel I should have said something.. but, I just wanted to stay out of it. Maybe that was for the best, but knowing the fall out hurt a co-worker makes me feel guilty. I wish I could just take some time off, or not work all together, though that really isn't an option. I just go in.. do my job, feel invisable most of the time. I know it will pass.. work stress always does. But, it sucks.

The snow has come.. decorations are all strewn about. Harry Potter 7 was AWESOME!! Can't wait for part 2. Here at home time is flying fast. I don't know what I need.. but I need something. Maybe a pedicure :)

Shopping is almost done.. just Jason and the parents. I should have that done by the beginning of next week. oh, and stocking stuffers! I made a new friend, and she's been wonderful. It feels so good to have someone to call and just 'chat'.

Find Something Different

So funny, Nathan has been playing.. Find Something Different. He would move things around in the rooms, usually about 4-5 things and ask me to find what's different. It could be a remote control in the plant, table centerpiece on the floor.. or something more vague that makes me ask.. what did you do? It's fun and quite humerous his imagination until we are looking for something we need! Like keys in the fridge... man, he makes me laugh.

It's funny how having a special needs child can escelate such emotions out of a mother. Where milestones are cartwheel worthy, and other emotions can bring you down to your lowest, or fly you up to the skies. He started his therapeutic riding and I have to tell you it swelled me up with such pride to bring tears into my eyes. He's a natural up on that horse, named Spicey which he talks about endlessly. He wears a purple harness, so he says the horse is brown with purple stripes.. lol. They play games on the horse, stop and go.. where he has to say Whoaa and walk on horse! They sing head and shoulders and have to reach forward to touch the horses ears, and reach back to the tail. They spread their arms out like an airplane.. and to see the faces of ear to ear smiles will forever be imprinted in my memory.

There is one boy who is non verbal, and he just couldn't stop smiling the second he was up on the horse to the very end. He would just flap his arms, pat the horses neck and grunt noises.. clearly very happy!! Last week they even did a little trot!

Hallowe'en was a success. I wasn't overly worried, the biggest problem we had was waiting for the night! One night, he would NOT go to sleep until he went trick or treating! Jason had to bring him to the calandar and count down the days.. 3 more sleeps! I can't wait for christmas!!! Hahahaha!!!

Speaking of which.. he wants EVERYTHING!!! for Christmas. Every commercial.. I want that for Christmas.. if a girl toy comes on, he says I don't want that for Christmas.. its a girl toy, I don't want that one. Last year, Dec 14th we got his diagnosis. Stoopid me decided to take the afternoon to the mall to get some shopping alone time in. Well, at that time Nathan wouldn't ask for anything! I used to think I was so lucky and what a good parent I am that has a child I can take out and not want anything. Then I found out why. Anyways, I was in Walmart and a grandparent was with a grandchild who excitedly pointed out all the toys he wanted for Christmas. I broke down crying right there. (I'm crying right now, remembering) It was like my whole world crashed in on me. My son doesn't ask for anything, and that's not normal.. he hardly plays with the toys he has, cause he doesn't know how to play. I left the mall and just sat in my car.. thinking, remembering.. dying inside. Now, I have a child who LOVES to play!! and creatively too! Asking for everything he sees!

Last year, around the middle of November, I started getting Nathan ready for Christmas. Asking what does Santa do (brings presents) what does santa say (ho ho ho). ENDLESSLY did he say I dont' know.. or nothing at all. And I would ask a few times a day. Then one day in December, I ask ok, Nathan.. what does santa do? "Brings presents" OMG! What does santa say? "Ho HO HO! oh my double God!! Tears streaming down my face! And what do you want for christmas? "a car! two Cars" !! *laughs* yes.. I went out and bought him his cars! yep.. escelated emotions.. so huge.

Challenging day

Nathan is being very challenging lately. Getting rigid again, trying so hard to hold onto his patterns. He's upstairs working with Liz, having a mini meltdown over a puzzle. And, I hear him calling MOMMY!! I just have to say, No. He wants his control back, and over different things trying to control his play, walking, even his therapy work. He's purposely leaving things out, acting his foolishness and being whiney, bossy and crying. None of us are having it, which is making him try the harder.

This morning he got very mad at me at a colouring page before Liz came over. Normally, when I don't colour the way he wants to, and gets mad at me I say, fine.. I dont' want to colour with you and pack it all up to put away. This morning, he said to me that he didn't want to colour with me, and went to get a toy to play with his cars. Of course, he demanded I play with him. I told him no, I am going to finish colouring this picture. I wouldn't play with him until I coloured the picture. And, if he continued to be bossy I won't play cars with him after. He focused up, and waited for me to finish, then I played with him.

All morning he's been challenging Liz.. she even confessed to me she's never seen him act like this. She also goes to his preschool, so has gotten to know him quite well. Now, I have to confess I like it when he acts like this infront of his workers, as he does this to me all the time. But, it is getting rather frusterating and hard. He got really upset the other day when I had a friend come over with her 2 girls and they coloured 'messy' in his book. So, I took the page out of the book and said they can colour how they want to. It will be OK, cause its not in your book. After, he got really upset cause the girls left toys on his chair in his room. No big.. just put them away. He's normally really good about things like this, which makes me wonder if I shouldn't just go in his room and totally rearrange his toys.

I think something is happening at preschool that is bringing out these behaviors. But, we don't know what. Something he sees or hears, that we aren't catching. I don't know. It's the only thing I can think of. For a good couple of weeks he wouldn't kiss his dad when he left or came home from work.. or before bed, a good morning.. etc. Boys don't kiss boys.. Hmmpfff. And attitude stance, oh my! We've been working on this that it's ok to kiss your daddies, grampa's, and hug your uncles and aunts. Expressing deeply how important his father is, and it's ok to show love with a kiss. And for friends, and at preschool a 'high five' is the cool way to show you like them. This upsets Jason greatly, but he won't let Nathan get away with it. Even if he has to hold him down.. he's getting his hello and good night kisses. We mentioned this to Laura, who chose her words similar to what we were saying and explained to him it's ok to kiss your daddies, etc. Yesterday, he gave Jason a big hug and kiss. Sometimes he just has to hear it from someone else.

I am SOOO proud of the way he handled a scuttle situation at preschool. One of the boys pinned Nathan against the wall with his throat. Nathan USED HIS WORDS!!!!! (WOW) and said Stop it! It hurts, Not nice!! No pushing!! The teachers seperated them, made the other boy not play with anything until he apologized to Nathan. Next they were playing fine with each other. But, I know it scared and hurt Nathan, he talked about it a couple of times. What do I say? I tell him how proud I am how he handled it so well, and that it was mean for him to do that, and to remember how that feels and not do it to anyone else.

I know things have been crazy here. And still getting into the swing of preschool and his workers, plus us, and company. The company and traveling are all done with for now, so I thought things would start acting normal again. We'll just have to wait and see. Maybe he is just still tired.

Catching up

Things have been absolutely crazy here. The past month involved starting a new preschool, Jason going away for a couple weeks on a course, my dad coming up from Ottawa, a visite from my mom, a weekend at the in-laws, and a final visite from my dad and Marion. In some ways I see Nathan's progressions and in other ways I see him getting worse. I'm really hoping this is just because of all the transitions and new things.. oh.. I forgot, he also has a new ASW working with him.

He has been doing more oral stims, sloshing spit around his mouth / tongue. Sticking his tongue in and out.. other oral things, sound makings etc. And his side gazing has come out more as well. He's doing well controlling his frusterations when we try to break his rigidness.. but its hard. It's hard on us. To see him this way, the struggles he is dealing with within school and at home.

The other day in preschool he had a turn with the scissors and he drew then cut out a sword, with handle, hilt and blade. Very impressive :D He loves swimming and is getting the rules down that he can go by himself without the help of a TA. Tomorrow we are going on a field trip. I volenteered my time to go with them, and I can't wait!! We're going to the country pumkin ( a place we have gone numerous times as a family ). It will be his first time on a bus, and I can't wait to see his face :) And watch him with his peers.

Nathan handled himself very well with his daddy gone for that length of time. He did say that he missed him. And asked throughout on and off "where's daddy?". He showed some behaviors, but nothing serious enough that a little time out didn't calm him down. Feeding is still on going, but we are making huge progress! He's had scrambled eggs, cheese whiz, mashed potatoes, fish sticks, and lucky charms with milk in it, some noodles, but he isn't fond of those at all! And the other day at Timmies' he asked for a donut.. he had 2 bites before he couldn't take it anymore. That was his first donut, ever!

We had a short, but busy visit with the in-laws, and I had a chance to talk to Jason's mom and sister. I feel good that I was able to add some insight, and so very proud of Nathan, for them to see him and know him a bit more. I encourage you to ask questions, and add support. We love you :) We all fell in love with the babies. And had our share of snuggles and cuddles. Even Nathan showed love and gentleness and concern. There was only one situation that had me concerned when the babies were crying, Nathan put his hands over his ears and was crying himself asking for it to stop. Once he passed that, he was fine.. and continued to be fine when the babies would cry again.

We are have a fabulous time with Dad and Marion. It always goes so quickly though.. I insist we need one more day!!! Maybe next year :( I'll have to get on their case about that. I'm sure I'm leaving things out.. and I am going to try and post more often, so when I do post it isn't so long and scattered. I can add more detail on what is going on :)

Thinking of ya's

I'm still here.. Been thinking alot of what to post.. so much to catch up on. I'll be back in a couple of days and fill in.

Have a good weekend :)

Bold Cashier

Just sharing this because I kinda thought it was comical. We were at a department store this afternoon and it was pretty busy so we had to wait in line. Nathan was literally bouncing off the walls. I'm the type of mother who follows the rule that just what I think is cute.. others do not. So, I'm saying to Nathan stand like a pencil.. or sit still with your hands on your lap.. To no avail.. hehe.. He just keeps giggling, jumping, dancing.. acting completely foolish.

Mind you.. he only hit the old man in front of us, and thankfully, older people tend to like children and only laughed and tried to talk to Nathan, which unfortunately just 'egged him on. By the time we actually got to the greasy haired teenage cashier everyone was watching him. And he knew it.. so he continued on with his foolish show.

Finally, I got my purchases bagged and ready to go, there were about 4 people waiting behind me, thankfully, they seemed patient enough with my handfull. The cashier said to me.. " he seems young right now, but if he keeps bouncing around like that, you should go get him diagnosed. He might be ADHD. I was stumped for a second. Then looked her in the face and said, "Actually, he's been diagnosed with Autism.. has been for a couple of years now."

OMG! You should have seen the look on her face! A couple shades paler, mouth smaller with a silent 'oh'. HAHA.. then I said, and you should be more careful who you say that to. Then gathered my purse and left not even looking back.