Nathan had his cereal this morning with milk IN IT!!!!!! I feel like I'm on top of the world!! Yes, he got a sticker for his chart!!
He wanted a treat for breakfast, I said, no.. you need to have a real breakfast. Why not Fruit Loops? He said sure!!
When I asked him to get it out, while I got his bowl, he changed his mind for ABC's cereal (alphabets). Then he wanted a spoon, I watched him put an X on his spoon to eat it and thought I would try to ask him if he wanted milk. He said, "Sure." with a little giggle. Sure enough! He sat at the table and ate his cereal with milk in it! Said he LOVED IT!!
I am SOOO HAPPY!!!!!
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
I'm Back :)
I didn't really realize how long its been since I caught up in here.. J. and I had a fabulous couple of days away. My favourite was a Sunday afternoon, lying on the bed dozing on and off, reading my book.. it was bliss :) We both said that we HAVE to do this again, and remembered how important it is for us to be just together.
Summer is coming to a beginning, already in the middle of June. My gardens are gorgous this year and we are planning on re-siding the house. Jason is going to take Nathan camping this weekend and is really looking forward to that.
ok.. that all caught up.. lets get caught up with Nathan. He's tired. We have him in soccer 2 nights a week, daycare 3 mornings a week, with his worker 4 afternoons, and a playgroup Friday afternoons. His clinical supervisor would like to put him in a pre-school programs designed for the kids going to school in the fall. She says, Nathan has advanced skills that he would fit in perfectly and could really benefit from the socialism of it. That would be 2 afternoons a week. I am waiting to hear back from his supervisor to get her intake.. but more then likely, I will be taking him out of daycare for the summer. That would leave him with just the autism center in the afternoons and 2 nights of soccer.
I love that he is going to playgroup at the center. He's only gone to 2, so far. The first week he was gold. Did everything he was supposed to, and was a model student / boy. Last week, he was foolish. And in away, I was glad they got to see this part of him. As I don't know how to put in words these behaviors he gets. Its like he doesn't know how to act.. so he's foolish, a joker. You may think, yea.. that's normal.. and it probably is, but add some atypical behavior in there and you got a child that is trying so hard without knowing how.. and its all coming out wrong.
He loves his soccer, but it is frusterating at times. Jason and I went last night together and we decided to keep him in it, but it did make us sad inside. It brings out his 'autism' in the group team work. There are alot of kids that play, and 2 coaches. Last night they had a 3rd which really helped the kids who have fallen behind, or didn't hear. . And I don't know how many times either Jason or myself ran onto the field to direct Nathan back to where he should be. There were a couple of games that Nathan really enjoyed, and played well in. It was really only when he had to wait, or didn't hear the direction. But, if J. went to Nathan and explained what he had to do.. he was fine.
Summer is coming to a beginning, already in the middle of June. My gardens are gorgous this year and we are planning on re-siding the house. Jason is going to take Nathan camping this weekend and is really looking forward to that.
ok.. that all caught up.. lets get caught up with Nathan. He's tired. We have him in soccer 2 nights a week, daycare 3 mornings a week, with his worker 4 afternoons, and a playgroup Friday afternoons. His clinical supervisor would like to put him in a pre-school programs designed for the kids going to school in the fall. She says, Nathan has advanced skills that he would fit in perfectly and could really benefit from the socialism of it. That would be 2 afternoons a week. I am waiting to hear back from his supervisor to get her intake.. but more then likely, I will be taking him out of daycare for the summer. That would leave him with just the autism center in the afternoons and 2 nights of soccer.
I love that he is going to playgroup at the center. He's only gone to 2, so far. The first week he was gold. Did everything he was supposed to, and was a model student / boy. Last week, he was foolish. And in away, I was glad they got to see this part of him. As I don't know how to put in words these behaviors he gets. Its like he doesn't know how to act.. so he's foolish, a joker. You may think, yea.. that's normal.. and it probably is, but add some atypical behavior in there and you got a child that is trying so hard without knowing how.. and its all coming out wrong.
He loves his soccer, but it is frusterating at times. Jason and I went last night together and we decided to keep him in it, but it did make us sad inside. It brings out his 'autism' in the group team work. There are alot of kids that play, and 2 coaches. Last night they had a 3rd which really helped the kids who have fallen behind, or didn't hear. . And I don't know how many times either Jason or myself ran onto the field to direct Nathan back to where he should be. There were a couple of games that Nathan really enjoyed, and played well in. It was really only when he had to wait, or didn't hear the direction. But, if J. went to Nathan and explained what he had to do.. he was fine.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Taking a long weekend just for me and my husband
I don't know who's this is going to be harder on. I've only spent 2 nights away from Nathan when he was only 2. Now, he's 4. Being much older, he's going to notice our absence more. He's in the best hands, being his Gramma (Mamma) :) One thing is for sure, he LOVES her, and I have nothing to worry about him being in her care for this weekend. And, I know, I am going to go reconnect with my husband and have a blast. I asked Jason what he is looking forward to most and he replied.. just walking around the boardwalk, stopping into stores and pubs.. playing a game of pool, having a drink.. then walking around some more. It's going to be exhilerating to be on our own time. I'm looking forward to the hot tub, shopping, maybe hitting a club saturday night.. and the buffet breakfasts. I love St. John and anxieties aside, I'm REALLLLLY looking forward to this weekend.
I'm glad my mom knows Nathan so well.. with his eating disorders and little things that make him who he is. I can picture them playing together, and laughing. He's loving knock knock jokes and is able to make up his own jokes.. his favourite is impatient cow, impatient cat.. frog, dog, sheep, lion.. yea.. it just goes on and on.. each one making him laugh even harder. He also loves to draw and print. His sight words are astounding and it won't be long before he does start reading, I'm sure. I think today, Ill stop off at the dollarstore and pick up some of those activity books for some quiet time, as he can easily get sucked into those. He got one for his birthday that I believe he has done and redone at least a million times.
I'm so proud of Nathan, and I love that mom can come to spend time with him, get to know his progressions and I know he will blow her away. He does to me everyday. It's these moments.. memories that kinda form a lump in my throat. However.. having company spending a couple days in my house reminds me exactly how 'messy' I let things go. Everywhere I look.. gahh.. I'll be doing my best in the next couple of days to make sure it's to my satisfaction.
So.. Nathan's quirks.. hmm.. man, where do I start. He acts out shows to play, and can get mad if you get the characters wrong. When he has his peanut butter toast, he likes a bit of PB on the a spoon first, and asks 'I have peanut butter'. If he has a bath, no matter if the water is absolutely perfect, you have to add a bit of cold water for him to feel before he gets in, or he immediatly freaks out it's too hot. Just like any 4 yr. old, you have to remind him to eat, sometimes using reinforcements to get him to finish. Limit his TV / computer time. Using a clock or timer works best, and tell him if he doesn't turn it off nicely, then no more TV/ computer time. Dora needs to be limited.. sometimes just saying choose something else works.. sometimes not. He likes to watch a show before bed with a small snack and of course his story in bed. I'm sure I'm making a bigger deal then it's worth, but I am leaving my son over night for TWO nights.. hehe. If he's 'not quite himself' just send him to his room and tell him he can come out when he's in a better mood. You want to see his happy face. It's funny thinking of these things. All the things we do as a mom ingraded into our being, that we just do without thinking. Without thinking someone has to do all the things we just 'do.
I know deep in my heart everything is going to be ok. And, we are only 45 minutes and a phone call away. And, I am going to thoroughly enjoy my weekend with J. And I am not going to make it about leaving Nathan.
I'm glad my mom knows Nathan so well.. with his eating disorders and little things that make him who he is. I can picture them playing together, and laughing. He's loving knock knock jokes and is able to make up his own jokes.. his favourite is impatient cow, impatient cat.. frog, dog, sheep, lion.. yea.. it just goes on and on.. each one making him laugh even harder. He also loves to draw and print. His sight words are astounding and it won't be long before he does start reading, I'm sure. I think today, Ill stop off at the dollarstore and pick up some of those activity books for some quiet time, as he can easily get sucked into those. He got one for his birthday that I believe he has done and redone at least a million times.
I'm so proud of Nathan, and I love that mom can come to spend time with him, get to know his progressions and I know he will blow her away. He does to me everyday. It's these moments.. memories that kinda form a lump in my throat. However.. having company spending a couple days in my house reminds me exactly how 'messy' I let things go. Everywhere I look.. gahh.. I'll be doing my best in the next couple of days to make sure it's to my satisfaction.
So.. Nathan's quirks.. hmm.. man, where do I start. He acts out shows to play, and can get mad if you get the characters wrong. When he has his peanut butter toast, he likes a bit of PB on the a spoon first, and asks 'I have peanut butter'. If he has a bath, no matter if the water is absolutely perfect, you have to add a bit of cold water for him to feel before he gets in, or he immediatly freaks out it's too hot. Just like any 4 yr. old, you have to remind him to eat, sometimes using reinforcements to get him to finish. Limit his TV / computer time. Using a clock or timer works best, and tell him if he doesn't turn it off nicely, then no more TV/ computer time. Dora needs to be limited.. sometimes just saying choose something else works.. sometimes not. He likes to watch a show before bed with a small snack and of course his story in bed. I'm sure I'm making a bigger deal then it's worth, but I am leaving my son over night for TWO nights.. hehe. If he's 'not quite himself' just send him to his room and tell him he can come out when he's in a better mood. You want to see his happy face. It's funny thinking of these things. All the things we do as a mom ingraded into our being, that we just do without thinking. Without thinking someone has to do all the things we just 'do.
I know deep in my heart everything is going to be ok. And, we are only 45 minutes and a phone call away. And, I am going to thoroughly enjoy my weekend with J. And I am not going to make it about leaving Nathan.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Titleing my posts are getting hard...
Yesterday we took Nathan to Physio and he passed his grosse motor skills!!! He is on par with an average 4 year old :O) This pleases me to no end. He is still quite sloppy with his running, but is taking longer strides. He needs to work on going downstairs like a 'big boy', but she thinks that is more out of habit then inhabitions. He also needs to work on walking on beams (one foot in front of other). Also, riding his Trike. His clinical supervisor asked me if she would like for them to work on his pedaling.. and my reply was, please don't take that away from me too. I didn't mean for it to be mean. Or imply anything of it. But, those were the words that instantly came out of my mouth. I felt bad for the way it came out. So far they have taken my afternoons, teaching him drawing, speaking, puzzles, playing.. etc. All the things I used to do in the afternoons. Our spontaniety (spelling?), able to just hop in the car go to the park, nursery, outside, watch a movie.. you know.. stuff you do with your child when your a stay at home mom.
There is not much more enjoyable for a mother to watch her husband teaching our son how to ride a bike. Sure, its slow going.. we're going on our second year of this. And just the other day, he pushed his feet to pedal about 5feet before getting all frusterated and wanting to walk or run. He sees the bigger kids riding their bikes, and I know he is close. It's just a matter of it 'clicking'.
We aren't sure what is going on with Nathan. He is doing a noticable side gazing with his eyes. It was VERY prominate yesterday at his appointment. These are the stims that set him apart from his peers. It's recent, this side gazing, and the Clinical Supervisor seems to think that it is sensory for him, not attention seeking. She asked us to ignore it, not to bring attention to it. Now, we are required to fill out a chart with time, activity and frequency of this. He's always done wierd things with his eyes and I had his eyes tested twice. She thinks he likes how things look out of his peripheal vision. He also likes to play around with his forehead muscles and squinting.
The programs he is on are working well. He's commenting on things he sees without prompting. He's drawing houses, flowers, rainbows, stick people. He is showing his rigidness when it comes to the use of colours. Now, if anyone knows my son.. he's an amazing colourer. But, you know, some kids have to be taught that you can colour a tree purple.. Nathan has to be taught that trees are green, or the sun is yellow. He's compromising though, which is kinda funny. He'll do some of it Laura's (his worker) way, and some of it his way.
He's improving on self coping. Before he would go to his room to calm down, now he is able to work out his frusterations at the table. His language is improving, and answering questions. He still gets alot wrong, but he's choosing more words to use, and to bounce back with asking the same question, or something that is appropriate, or even completely random. One of my favourite things to ask is "What is your favourite part?" We do this every night, What was your favourite part of today?
His progress binder is already getting quite thick. And Laura has been really wonderful to talk to me about everything she is doing, and the differences of previous attempts. Where his compliance lies, things to 'sabotage' and his strengths. Funny, throughout this therapy it's bringing out both his personality, pride.. but also shows forth his 'autistic' side. And here I was scared that they were going to come over and think There is Nothing Wrong with This Child! Their biggest concern is to keep Nathan challenged as he picks things up SO quickly.
There is not much more enjoyable for a mother to watch her husband teaching our son how to ride a bike. Sure, its slow going.. we're going on our second year of this. And just the other day, he pushed his feet to pedal about 5feet before getting all frusterated and wanting to walk or run. He sees the bigger kids riding their bikes, and I know he is close. It's just a matter of it 'clicking'.
We aren't sure what is going on with Nathan. He is doing a noticable side gazing with his eyes. It was VERY prominate yesterday at his appointment. These are the stims that set him apart from his peers. It's recent, this side gazing, and the Clinical Supervisor seems to think that it is sensory for him, not attention seeking. She asked us to ignore it, not to bring attention to it. Now, we are required to fill out a chart with time, activity and frequency of this. He's always done wierd things with his eyes and I had his eyes tested twice. She thinks he likes how things look out of his peripheal vision. He also likes to play around with his forehead muscles and squinting.
The programs he is on are working well. He's commenting on things he sees without prompting. He's drawing houses, flowers, rainbows, stick people. He is showing his rigidness when it comes to the use of colours. Now, if anyone knows my son.. he's an amazing colourer. But, you know, some kids have to be taught that you can colour a tree purple.. Nathan has to be taught that trees are green, or the sun is yellow. He's compromising though, which is kinda funny. He'll do some of it Laura's (his worker) way, and some of it his way.
He's improving on self coping. Before he would go to his room to calm down, now he is able to work out his frusterations at the table. His language is improving, and answering questions. He still gets alot wrong, but he's choosing more words to use, and to bounce back with asking the same question, or something that is appropriate, or even completely random. One of my favourite things to ask is "What is your favourite part?" We do this every night, What was your favourite part of today?
His progress binder is already getting quite thick. And Laura has been really wonderful to talk to me about everything she is doing, and the differences of previous attempts. Where his compliance lies, things to 'sabotage' and his strengths. Funny, throughout this therapy it's bringing out both his personality, pride.. but also shows forth his 'autistic' side. And here I was scared that they were going to come over and think There is Nothing Wrong with This Child! Their biggest concern is to keep Nathan challenged as he picks things up SO quickly.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Gardening...
Yep.. Gardening with a 4 year old boy...
No Nathan, you can't take the worms in the house.
No Nathan, you can't put the worms in your pocket.
No Nathan, I don't want to see the worms that close.
Ewww Nathan!! Squirmy the worm does NOT go on my back!!
No Nathan, you can't take the worms in the house.
No Nathan, you can't put the worms in your pocket.
No Nathan, I don't want to see the worms that close.
Ewww Nathan!! Squirmy the worm does NOT go on my back!!
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Coffee and an Update
I am reading a book right now, written by a 12 year old girl. The title is 'The Boy Who Ate Stars'. The caption on the back reads...When I grow up, I want to teach autistic children. I know one already, he's called Matthew and he's my neighbor. Matthew was four when he came into my life and, to be honest, we got off to a rocky start. Now I see alot of him, and each time I can't help thinking how special he is because he's like nobody I've ever met.
I had to take a small break. As I am reading this with a lump in my throat, and I look to Nathan with his worker, and such pride and frusteration hits me. They are working on probes, and programs. He recites the answers like 'Rain Man'. But, he is answering them!! What is your name? Nathan, Nathan Cormier. What is your mommy's name.. what is your Daddy's name. Phone number? Where do you live (today he said 'in a home' yesterday he said earth) Do you go to Daycare? What is your friends name? (sometimes he says an actual name.. other times he says toys) How old are you? (I'm 4, he says with gusto) Do you have a brother? (yea) Do you have a sister? (sometimes he says yea.. other times he says.. No, I not a sister, I a big boy!!) Do you have pets? (a pig, a bird, a fish..) What are their names?(pig, bird, fish..) But, other times he answers those perfectly. Nish is a black cat. Ostara white, brown, and black cat... etc..
These probes are just basic.. they will get more complicated and involved. And as he gets some wrong, he will be taught over and over until he does get it right. It does get pretty scriptive. But, I guess that is a start to forming a base, and then as his communication developes he can add more onto it. Like, we were out the other day. And someone asked him what his name was, he said.. My name is Nathan, and This is my Mommy. He does show pride, and wants to learn.. and it ticks me off to no end when for years I've asked him 'How are you? (I don't know).. I say, I'm good. anyways.. just after a couple days Laura has him saying.. I'm good. I could pull out my hair. Using the same way that I have been working with him. Lol.
Right now he is fixated on dot to dots.. or Connect the dots. It's hard to get him to try something else. Or he gets mad. We are working with him to use words instead of actions.. saying, Whatever, That's fine'. It's pretty cute hearing him say that one. or No big deal, It's OK. It allows him to self-talk through difficult times.
So far, he is flowing through his programs. Yesterday, he got 3 out 16 steps correct.. Today, he got 6!! Another one, yesterday he got 20%, today he got 40%. He doubled in a day. These are based on a craft program that he has to do as much as he can by himself without prompting, or what not.. like, colouring, cutting, pasting. Its all on a 'map' that he has to follow.
So far, they haven't gone back to 'sabotaging'. I think they are just getting these programs into play. Teaching him self talk and independant play. As more programs come in.. or his perfectionist comes out, or as more behaviors surface then we will deal? I don't know. He's so random and inconsistent as to what upsets him and what I think he'll freak out over, and then he doesn't.
I had to take a small break. As I am reading this with a lump in my throat, and I look to Nathan with his worker, and such pride and frusteration hits me. They are working on probes, and programs. He recites the answers like 'Rain Man'. But, he is answering them!! What is your name? Nathan, Nathan Cormier. What is your mommy's name.. what is your Daddy's name. Phone number? Where do you live (today he said 'in a home' yesterday he said earth) Do you go to Daycare? What is your friends name? (sometimes he says an actual name.. other times he says toys) How old are you? (I'm 4, he says with gusto) Do you have a brother? (yea) Do you have a sister? (sometimes he says yea.. other times he says.. No, I not a sister, I a big boy!!) Do you have pets? (a pig, a bird, a fish..) What are their names?(pig, bird, fish..) But, other times he answers those perfectly. Nish is a black cat. Ostara white, brown, and black cat... etc..
These probes are just basic.. they will get more complicated and involved. And as he gets some wrong, he will be taught over and over until he does get it right. It does get pretty scriptive. But, I guess that is a start to forming a base, and then as his communication developes he can add more onto it. Like, we were out the other day. And someone asked him what his name was, he said.. My name is Nathan, and This is my Mommy. He does show pride, and wants to learn.. and it ticks me off to no end when for years I've asked him 'How are you? (I don't know).. I say, I'm good. anyways.. just after a couple days Laura has him saying.. I'm good. I could pull out my hair. Using the same way that I have been working with him. Lol.
Right now he is fixated on dot to dots.. or Connect the dots. It's hard to get him to try something else. Or he gets mad. We are working with him to use words instead of actions.. saying, Whatever, That's fine'. It's pretty cute hearing him say that one. or No big deal, It's OK. It allows him to self-talk through difficult times.
So far, he is flowing through his programs. Yesterday, he got 3 out 16 steps correct.. Today, he got 6!! Another one, yesterday he got 20%, today he got 40%. He doubled in a day. These are based on a craft program that he has to do as much as he can by himself without prompting, or what not.. like, colouring, cutting, pasting. Its all on a 'map' that he has to follow.
So far, they haven't gone back to 'sabotaging'. I think they are just getting these programs into play. Teaching him self talk and independant play. As more programs come in.. or his perfectionist comes out, or as more behaviors surface then we will deal? I don't know. He's so random and inconsistent as to what upsets him and what I think he'll freak out over, and then he doesn't.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
A reminder and an eye opener
It's been awhile since I updated. And, trueth be told, I don't know where to begin. We had an awesome Easter weekend with the inlaws, BBQ's and chocolate.. who can ask for anything more. We went to French lake for a day of throwing rocks in the water (one of Nathan's most favourite things to do). Jason took Nathan to the camp with a couple of his friends. I went out with the girls and got re-united with Tequila. Man, what a fun night!!
I'm at a place in Nathan's therapy where things are getting difficult. And getting hard to put into words. I had one of my regular guests today and when she saw me... she saw something and just gave me a hug and asked me what is going on. She knows about Nathan and the intensity of his therapy. I did talk to her and I'm sure left her overwhelmed and her saying she couldn't imagine what I am going through. I can't imagine what I am going through. To hear my son saying 'I want my Mommy' and there is NOTHING I can do... anyways.. let me get on track of what is going on.
Things are coming down now, into his 'programs' and pushing behaviors to sabotage them. Yes, I am using the word sabotage as it is the word the clinical supervisor chose to use. Now, I do like this word. As I am completely aware that Nathan can't go to school, or through life with his behaviors. And he HAS GOT to deal with his emotions and not always getting his way. He is such a perfectionist and can get quite upset if things aren't just so. Just a couple of examples here.. if we are doing a puzzle we have to start with the same piece in a same to same piece sequence. If we get a new toy and play one way.. its always the same way. Jason is better at pushing him and switching things up, getting Nathan going but just to the edge of meltdown. Me.. I push a little, but then I step away and say ok.. well, I don't want to play anymore then. Or try to explain to him that its ok to get upset, or mad.. but you don't always get what you want, and I am going to use this puzzle piece here.
He has Bakugans and knows exactly what bakugan goes with what card. We were playing with them one day. And I said to his worker ( Laura ) 'watch this..' and put a wrong bakugan on a card. Well he fixed it. And it amazed her how he had them all memorized when we are looking at them wondering how the hell he could tell the difference when they are all rolled up as ball. So, we extended on this amazing memory of his and switched a few more. He put them back.. saying 'this bakugan on this card.. this one goes on this card.. etc'. We got him to close his eyes and switched a bunch more. *Laughs* he takes an exasperated breath got upset and put them back. We did it again.. He looks.. then HE switched a bunch up and looks to me and says.. 'Now, you mad'. He wanted me to understand this made him mad.. so he switched them and wanted ME to be mad. I didn't play that game.. we turned it around to be funny, laughing etc.. then put them away.
Ok.. back on track.. The clinical supervisor wanted to see one of his behaviors. And an example we talked about was how he couldn't circle a shape in a pattern sequence that he had to trace it. She said, do you think he would do it now? We tried, and sure enough.. he got quite upset and wanted to fix it. She turned the page, and did it again. Now, there was TWO pages that were 'wrong' he wanted to go back and fix the first page.. knowing now that there were 2 pages.. and she turned the page again and circled the pattern instead of tracing the shape. He went into a full blown meltdown. She turns to me and says " We are going to sabotage that behavior".
Now, I knew going into this therapy that this was going to happen. How could it not? I know my son. I know his issues. But, it was always me dealing with it. I have my strictness and I guess my limits. They are pushing the limits, forcing behaviors to get his reactions. And, I am also completely aware that it is going to get worse. But, at the same time better. They are trained to help Nathan deal with his emotions and to understand its' Ok to do this, or that. Or someone might do it this way, and that's Ok too.
I know this post is jumbled and kinda all over the place. And, I have left things out. Nathan has been random since that visite. Not quite himself. I think he lost a little bit of trust he developed with his worker and she has been trying to gain that back. He's been crying for me, and kinda lost as to what to do. When he cries for me, I have to let it go.. If I get a nod, then I can step in and take my boy in my arms and bring him down. If he wants me to read him a story, I have to talk him into letting Laura read his story when I just want to curl up with him and read him 10.
I am leaving this post now and I can assure you I'll get up in the morning with my morning coffee and fill in the blanks. This one is of the negative side.. the draining side.. The side that has left me weak. I will post the assurances and encouragement that also transpired that is going to make this all worth while. In final.. Pray for us. Pray for Nathan and knowing his is getting the best help he can. Pray for strength. For results.. and a good nights sleep. I love you all, and thank you for your support.
I'm at a place in Nathan's therapy where things are getting difficult. And getting hard to put into words. I had one of my regular guests today and when she saw me... she saw something and just gave me a hug and asked me what is going on. She knows about Nathan and the intensity of his therapy. I did talk to her and I'm sure left her overwhelmed and her saying she couldn't imagine what I am going through. I can't imagine what I am going through. To hear my son saying 'I want my Mommy' and there is NOTHING I can do... anyways.. let me get on track of what is going on.
Things are coming down now, into his 'programs' and pushing behaviors to sabotage them. Yes, I am using the word sabotage as it is the word the clinical supervisor chose to use. Now, I do like this word. As I am completely aware that Nathan can't go to school, or through life with his behaviors. And he HAS GOT to deal with his emotions and not always getting his way. He is such a perfectionist and can get quite upset if things aren't just so. Just a couple of examples here.. if we are doing a puzzle we have to start with the same piece in a same to same piece sequence. If we get a new toy and play one way.. its always the same way. Jason is better at pushing him and switching things up, getting Nathan going but just to the edge of meltdown. Me.. I push a little, but then I step away and say ok.. well, I don't want to play anymore then. Or try to explain to him that its ok to get upset, or mad.. but you don't always get what you want, and I am going to use this puzzle piece here.
He has Bakugans and knows exactly what bakugan goes with what card. We were playing with them one day. And I said to his worker ( Laura ) 'watch this..' and put a wrong bakugan on a card. Well he fixed it. And it amazed her how he had them all memorized when we are looking at them wondering how the hell he could tell the difference when they are all rolled up as ball. So, we extended on this amazing memory of his and switched a few more. He put them back.. saying 'this bakugan on this card.. this one goes on this card.. etc'. We got him to close his eyes and switched a bunch more. *Laughs* he takes an exasperated breath got upset and put them back. We did it again.. He looks.. then HE switched a bunch up and looks to me and says.. 'Now, you mad'. He wanted me to understand this made him mad.. so he switched them and wanted ME to be mad. I didn't play that game.. we turned it around to be funny, laughing etc.. then put them away.
Ok.. back on track.. The clinical supervisor wanted to see one of his behaviors. And an example we talked about was how he couldn't circle a shape in a pattern sequence that he had to trace it. She said, do you think he would do it now? We tried, and sure enough.. he got quite upset and wanted to fix it. She turned the page, and did it again. Now, there was TWO pages that were 'wrong' he wanted to go back and fix the first page.. knowing now that there were 2 pages.. and she turned the page again and circled the pattern instead of tracing the shape. He went into a full blown meltdown. She turns to me and says " We are going to sabotage that behavior".
Now, I knew going into this therapy that this was going to happen. How could it not? I know my son. I know his issues. But, it was always me dealing with it. I have my strictness and I guess my limits. They are pushing the limits, forcing behaviors to get his reactions. And, I am also completely aware that it is going to get worse. But, at the same time better. They are trained to help Nathan deal with his emotions and to understand its' Ok to do this, or that. Or someone might do it this way, and that's Ok too.
I know this post is jumbled and kinda all over the place. And, I have left things out. Nathan has been random since that visite. Not quite himself. I think he lost a little bit of trust he developed with his worker and she has been trying to gain that back. He's been crying for me, and kinda lost as to what to do. When he cries for me, I have to let it go.. If I get a nod, then I can step in and take my boy in my arms and bring him down. If he wants me to read him a story, I have to talk him into letting Laura read his story when I just want to curl up with him and read him 10.
I am leaving this post now and I can assure you I'll get up in the morning with my morning coffee and fill in the blanks. This one is of the negative side.. the draining side.. The side that has left me weak. I will post the assurances and encouragement that also transpired that is going to make this all worth while. In final.. Pray for us. Pray for Nathan and knowing his is getting the best help he can. Pray for strength. For results.. and a good nights sleep. I love you all, and thank you for your support.
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