Old Fashioned Melt Down

I posted before that Nathan has his good days and bad days when it comes to leaving Daycare. Or, anywhere really... transitions has always been a challenge. Today, I came to pick up Nathan at Daycare and I walk in to see a bunch of kids at one end of the hall, and a bunch of kids at the other end of the hall, 3 skateboards and 3 kids on their bellies. I laugh. What fun! I ask the 'teacher' if Nathan played on the skateboards too.. he replies, yes, he's had his turns. I was proud.

I see Nathan cheering, and think.. omg, I am NOT going to get this child out of here. I put my hand on his shoulder and say, 'Nathan, it's time to go home for lunch'. That's when it started, he see's me, puts on his straight jacket pose and starts. I pick him up and carry him to his boots. He is not moving, he cries, everyone is watching and I wonder how to handle this. 20 minutes later... he's curled up on my lap, wrapped solid around himself and still refuses to move. I'm done. I have to force his arms in his jacket, afraid he is going to get hurt, or hurt himself, and basically drag him out. Thankfully, he isn't hitting me.

He cries all the way home, I've tried bribing, threatening, everything I can think of at this point. He is gagging on his cries and I am driving hoping he doesn't make himself sick. When we get home, I carry him inside and continue to try to talk him down. What finally did it was our cat Ostara. It was like he came over specifically to see what was wrong, lol.

It made for a long afternoon, but we watched a couple of shows then put on some music and danced for a good couple of hours. I haven't seen him act like that since before we really started the behavioral therapy, and I exausted every tool they gave me to try. It kinda threw me for a loop, trueth be told. I got him to tell me he was sorry, and I hope he understood the reason of his actions and how it affected the situation.

Just a Daddy :)

After daycare yesterday, I brought Jason a coffee at his work. Passing by the tanks Nathan got all excited about the 'Transformers', lol. We enjoyed our lunch together as it is really cool in J's shop. The mechanics are right next door, so I got some pictures of them together with the tanks, Nathan even captured a great shot of Jason and I :)

On the way home, we passed by a group of soldiers marching. I said to Nathan, 'look at the soldiers! Your daddy is a soldier'. He replies to me, 'No, Mommy, Daddy just Daddy'. I tried to explain that a daddy can also be a soldier. He continued to almost get upset. "No, Just Daddy". I'm kinda giggling inside, thinking this rather amusing :) So I say, well, Your daddy is also a man. 'Nope' he says 'Just Daddy'.

When we play our imaginitive play.. he can be a dog, cat, mouse, cow, horse... any animal you can think of!! But, if I say lets pretend your a baby, he says 'I'm not a baby, I'm a big boy'. It's comical how he can be so creative about some things.. yet so adament about others. When he figures it out that his Daddy can be a soldier, a man, AND a Daddy.. he is going to be very proud of his Daddy <3

Accepting and Admiting

Accepting was much more easier then admiting. I still find it very difficult to admit to others what I am going through, and that I have a child on the Autism Spectrum. Its not that I'm embaressed, as I'm very proud of what I have done for Nathan in his inventions, and I am also proud of his accomplishments and progression.

I'm just more reserved about how I feel, I don't want people asking all the time how Nathan is doing. Or, the looks people can't help but give, or don't know what to say.. so they say.. 'Oh.' or.. 'Aww'. I know they don't mean anything of it. They just don't understand, or know what else to say.

I went to my dentist, and on the desk was a flyer for fundraiser for the Therapeutic Riding Association. Now, I LOVE horses.. and completely understand what they can do for anyone with disabilities or special needs. I came to find out that their son was Autistic. When I went back to buy the tickets, the mom was wearing a shirt that said "Mother of an Autistic Child, and Proud Of It'. I started to tear up, and could only say.. Me Too!! I went home and immediately checked out the website, and got Nathan on the waiting list. I must have talked to them for 45 minutes!

This mom, the dentist has given me courage to make a self goal of admitting that I have a child with special needs. Slowly, I have been doing this. I am still private, and choose who I tell. But, let me tell you!! well.. you know when you buy a new car? and all you see around town is the same car? Well, its the same thing.. the more I talk to.. the more amazing people I meet with autistic children!!! This has helped me with my goal. I rarely tear up anymore when I mention it. It has become easier to explain and accept the 'Oh's and Awww's'

Soon, I will be ready to post this blog on my facebook so more family and friends can follow my on line diary.. But, not yet..

Valentine's Day Party at Daycare

Daycare with Nathan is both a joy and a challenge. He was never a child to cling to me, he would have NO problem leaving me to go to daycare. However, picking him up is a nightmare. I almost pulled him out it was so horrible dragging him out kicking and screaming, sometimes punching and hitting me.

With all the work with his behavioral therapist things started getting better, and he would now have his good days, and bad. He still isn't a child that would run into my arms, but the kicking and screaming is now minamal.

Today, started like every daycare morning, he would give me a hug and kiss, then sign language 'I Love You, Too' then run off to play. When I came to pick him up, I was completely prepared to go in for a challenge and fight, I mean, come on.. it was a Valentines' Party!! But, he came to me with his envelope of Valentines' and treats, I took a picture of him all proud with his arms full of hearts, and then he went to go put his boots on!! Then, he even tried to put his own jacket on and zip it up! I was floored, I had no idea who this child was.. Even the 'teachers' were watching with 'WTF' looks on their faces.

He took my hand and we walked to the car together, he even tried to stop the wind, without much success *smiles*. Moments like this is so cherished. I always envied the other moms who would walk in and their child would run into their arms, and today I had that feeling.

What is PDD-NOS?

PERVASIVE DEVELOPMENTAL DISORDER - NOT OTHERWISE SPECIFIED (PDD-NOS)

~Is a subthreshhold condition in which some, but not all, features of autism belong. The term PDD-NOS also refered to as 'atypical personality development, atypical PDD, or atypical autism' to encompass cases where there is marked impairment of social interaction, communication, and /or stereotypical behavior patterns or interest, but when full features for autism or another explicity defined PDD are NOT met.

~A person diagnosed with PDD-NOS has some behaviors seen in autism but don't meet the full criteria for having Autistic disorder. All children with PDD-NOS do not have the same degree or intensity of the disorder. There is no set pattern of symptoms and signs. A single child seldom shows all the features seen in PDD-NOS at one time.

Nathan's report showed him as 6-9 months behind where he should be at his age. On the tests from the child phychologist Nathan was showed to have mild to moderate autism, meaning.. that on some scores he BARELY hit the mark, where in others he could be quite sever balancing out in all catagories to be confirmed as PDD (autism) NOS (not otherwise specified). In other tests for his fine motor skills he was scored equivalant to ages 5 or 6. Tests that were for the Gross Motor Skills he was scored equivalant to a 2 year old.

Nathan's more prominant challenges are going to include his diet, language and social skills. Pretty much in that order.

The Diagnosis

First, I would like to say that I think I would have eventually discovered the warning flags by myself, but instead we recieved a phone call when Nathan was just over 2 years old from my husbands sister. She expressed her concerns and shared her experience being educated in early childhood developement. With what I thought was completely normal, if anything I had a genious, apparently were signs of autism. My sheilds went up, automatically accusing her of 'How dare you say that! You don't even know our son' and demanded my husband to hang up the phone on her.

Once I settled down, I realized this was probably the hardest phone call she had ever made I called her back and we actually talked, and I saw what she was trying to say to me. I made an appointment with my family doctor who sent me to the pediatrician, who then sent me to the 'peds team'.

After a couple months of waiting, we started working with a speech and behavioral therapist, and a dietician. The first couple of visites Nathan showed his strengths in his letters and repetitive play, but wouldn't do what was expected of him, like pointing to a picture, he would get quite rigid and hard to handle. Let me tell you!! We went home and I worked so hard with him so the next time going in he could point to a bloody picture!!!

When we started with the peds team, Nathan was just turning 3 and was diagnosed at 24 months. Needless to say, this was quite the surprise to me, as he's so incredably smart. Every session we went to, I took the tools I learned and brought them home and continued his intervention working hard each day to bring him forward.

At this point, we've been working with this team of amazing people for 9 months. Throughout, they continued to encourage me to take him to a child phychologist for a confirmed diagnosis. Now, I've been hearing the words autism, and aspergers since we started this with Sara's phone call, but, I just couldn't allow myself to take that step. It wasn't denial, as I knew there were problems.. Just scared.

Finally, I talked to the peds team asking for another assesment, where is he at? I see so much improvement. He's such a joy now... etc. They again, encouraged me to see a child phychologist. I made the appointment and somehow with Nathan's age and the help of my pediatrician and the peds team we had an appointment in just a month, instead of a 6 month wait.

The appointments consisted of 4, 2 with just the parents and 2 with Nathan. The first one, Jason and I went in and talked for at least 3 hours. I was impressed and felt yes.. this is positive, we need this. The 2 appointments with Nathan were really quite cool, they took him into another room while we got to watch in another room on a TV what was going on. Watching them assess, and Nathan's reactions both made me proud and cry.

On the last appointment it was just Jason and I, we went in to go over the report and confirm the diagnosis. Yes, our child is on the autism spectrum. He has PDD-NOS. Although, this didn't really come as a surprise, I was still floored. The date was Dec 14th. I had to get through Christmas, the shock didn't hit me until after.